the wait just continues....

Tenth Avenue North has a song out right now called Worn...here are the first few verses:

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

This is the way my heart feels right now with this whole adoption journey.  I am tired.  I am tired of processes changing.  I am tired of filling out paperwork.  I am tired of renewing fingerprints, home-studies and forms.....I'm just tired of it. 

In the last few weeks, my heart has gone from excitement and anticipation to questioning God's call on our family to pursue adoption.  (Let me pause here and say many families have been through much worse and I even feel guilty complaining, but my heart still hurts for the child we long to have) I have seen families that started their process long after we did get referral and even bring children home all while we still wait (again here my heart say I rejoice with these families and for the children they are receiving) 

About three weeks ago, after studying the referral chart and estimating referral times, I thought that maybe by September we would at least have a referral.  Court times had been moving at a decent pace and referrals were happening.  Then this past week everything changed.  

Here is a basic breakdown of the new changes and how it affects wait times.

Current: 8-14 weeks between Referral Acceptance and traveling for court: under PAIR the time frames will likely be 16-26 weeks

Current: 4-6 months between Referral Acceptance and coming home:under PAIR the time frames will likely be 8-10 months.

 Plus court will close for holiday early August and will re-open around October.

So what does this mean for us????? Well, it looks like yet another year of waiting.......

As I was reading scripture the other day about waiting, I came across the book of Habukkak.  To be real honest, I have no idea what is going on in the book except it is a book of prophesy for  the destruction of Judea and Jerusalem for the sins of the people.  Sounds pretty depressing to me.  Until I read 2:1-4. 

I especially love verses 3 and 4 which say "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.  See, he is puffed up his desires are not upright-but the righteous will live by his faith."

In Matthew Henry's commentary (which I read in trying to understand this book) he says "God will not disappoint the believing expectations of those who wait to hear what he will say unto them. All are concerned in the truths of God's word. Though the promised favour be deferred long, it will come at last, and abundantly recompense us for waiting. The humble, broken-hearted, repenting sinner, alone seeks to obtain an interest in this salvation. He will rest his soul on the promise, and on Christ, in and through whom it is given. Thus he walks and works, as well as lives by faith, perseveres to the end, and is exalted to glory; while those who distrust or despise God's all-sufficiency will not walk uprightly with him. The just shall live by faith in these precious promises, while the performance of them is deferred. Only those made just by faith, shall live, shall be happy here and for ever."

Did you see that?.... "Though the promised favour be deferred long it will come at last"....it is going to come y'all....it will come!  God called us to this - this adoption journey - he has ordained the season in which our family will become a family of 4 - he will orchestrate the heart of the mother who will carry our child - HE is in control of it all and He will not delay.  

I don't understand God's timing or his will for the wait (even though I've read an article entitled  "God's Will for the Wait" but I still have faith and will continue to trust.  My prayer is He finds us faithful - faithful to the call He has placed on our family - faithful to the wait -faithful to the work that is still before us.

Thank you for being on this journey with us.  Please continue to pray for our family as you remember during this waiting time.

It's Been a While

It has been a while since I last posted and for that I apologize.  Before you continue reading, please know that is not going to be "spiritually correct" or uplifting or anything else - today's post will truly be my heart speaking as I write.  

So I am sure your first question is "how is the adoption going and where are you in the process?".   This is a very valid question and the main reason why I am just now posting.  In one simple word the adoption is SLOW.  Two years ago when we started this journey, we thought the wait time for a referral would be approx. 8 months give or take a month or two.  We honestly thought be Christmas 2011 we would have a baby home and by now life would be moving along.  As you know around July 2011, Ethiopia slammed the brakes on processing adoptions.  They went from processing 100/daily to 3-5/day - a drastic change.  To say we were disappointed is an under statement but we always have trusted in God's timing.   As time progressed we became less proactive in our fundraising and planning.  We daily pray for our child, but we couldn't dwell on the wait - regardless of how frustrating it was or is.

Fast forward to July 2012, and we have officially been waiting a year for our baby.  Thankfully during this time, our family was in Costa Rica for a mission trip working with a church plant there.  This was a wonderful growing time for our family and I am thankful we were there when this "anniversary" came around.  

So here we are today.  We met with our Social Worker today (whom we love) to update our homestudy.  You see after so many months your fingerprints and homestudy have to be updated before they expire.  It was a wonderful meeting and we enjoyed seeing our social worker again, but the meeting came with more discouraging news - wait times for referrals are being increased again.....more waiting!  To say this came to us as a low blow is an understatement once again.  In my own mind I was hopeful for a referral by May 2013 (based on the referrals happening now).  However, due to the longer wait times, it could be July 2013 or later before we hear anything.  

I left our meeting angry and upset.  I am angry that we started the process as late as we did - why didn't we start this years ago since we have always know we were going to adopt?  I am angry and confused because daily I am told and read there are 147 Million orphans in the world, yet we are having to wait 2+ years to have a baby home? I am jealous of other families, adopting from other countries, that have not waited as long as us, that are receiving referrals and soon to be bringing babies home.  I question, did God really call our family to adopt?  These are real feelings and questions that I am dealing with (and I am sure other adoptive families do as well).  

This journey of adoption I knew would never be easy but as a mom of one who desires to mother more children, the wait becomes painful.  This is something I have wanted my whole life and the timing is out of my control so to sit and wait is so hard.  

As I sit here and write this tonight, my heart is still heavy.  I can't wait to receive the call that we have the referral.  I long for the moment that Jonathan, Izzie and I open the email together to see our baby for the very first time.  I live for the day I can wrap my arms around that baby and kiss its forehead.....these are the moments I long for.  But what I long for the most is for the ONE child God has for us.  The one perfect child that only He selected for us even before time began.  The one He knew would be perfect for us and that somehow we would be perfect for.  

Please pray for us as we continue to wait and seek God' plan for our family.  Pray that we will discern God's will for our family as we continue on this adoption journey.  We love each of you and thank you for being on this journey with us - through the highs and the lows.

Here are a few pictures from the past few months just to catch you up on our life:

Mission Trip to Costa Rica

Izzie starts Kindergarten

Izzie turns 6

"One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting on God" Oswald Chambers

Happy New Year! - I guess it is better late than never huh?  I can't believe we are already into the middle of February.  I hope this year so far has been kind to each one of you.


I haven't posted in a while simply because there hasn't been too much to talk about.  Things with the adoption and with life haven't changed and we are still just waiting - waiting on a referral, waiting on our house to sell, waiting on clarity for God's plan for our family.  To be completely honest, I hate to wait.  I like to be in control of situations in my life and with the things going in our family and currently I have no control.  I have no control of the government in Ethiopia, no control over the housing market and frankly no control of God's plan for our family.  If anything God is teaching me personally to stop trying to be in control.


I read an article not too long ago called "God's Will for Your Wait" by Paul Tripp  To say the timing of this article was perfect is a complete understatement.  Tripp points out 5 ways to look at the wait as God doing something rather than a struggle against the wait.


1)Remind yourself that your not alone.  Think about all the people that had to wait years in the bible.  Think about the hundreds of families that are waiting for a child just like we are - we are not alone in this. Waiting is a part of God's plan
2)Realize that the wait is active.  "To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of worship: worshiping God for his presence, wisdom, power, love, and grace. To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of serving: looking for ways to lovingly assist and encourage others who are also being called to wait. To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of praying: confessing the struggles of my heart and seeking the grace of the God who has called me to wait. We must rethink waiting and remind ourselves that waiting is itself a call to action."
3)Let waiting strengthen your faith.  There are three ways your faith can be strengthened through waiting a) by spending time in the Word, b) opening your heart to God for Him to reveal sin, weaknesses and even the struggles of your wait, c)recongize the opportunity to know others better on the same journey as you.
4)Count your blessings.  Instead of reminding yourself what you don't  have, focus on the blessings that you do have.
5)Long for Eternity.  God intends for us to long for home our eternal home.


After reading this article I realized how selfish I am with this whole waiting thing and to be honest I am still selfish with it. There is nothing I want more to bring my baby home - but I want the baby God has for us.  I remind myself daily that had it not been for the wait thus far, I would not have the baby God wants me to have one day.  These challenges, hiccups, bridges or whatever you want to call it, are, in my mind, designed to help in the timing of the perfect little baby God has for us - when I remember this I don't mind the wait.


So we wait.......and will continue to wait until the day our family is complete.......




Until then please pray for us in the following ways:
-that we would use this wait to grow in our relationship with Christ.  That HE would reveal sin, weaknesses and struggles we have in our hearts.
-for clarity as Jonathan and I make other decisions concerning our growing family
-that our home would sell


Thanks for being on this journey with us.

The Start of Something New....

As you can probably tell from the title of our last two postings we have been watching a lot of High School Musical lately and I have to admit sometimes I think I like them more than Izzie.
The past two months have been a whirlwind - Izzie beginning school, a new semester starting at Union, Izzie turning 5 and much much more.  It is really hard to believe that October is almost here!
Before the end of summer break we took a few days as a family and headed to the beach.  It was wonderful just being together as the 3 of us.  The beach was wonderful and we felt refreshed coming back (even though it is always so hard leaving the beach).  

Izzie started school August 18th.  I did better than I thought I would with crying but it was still hard.  The hardest day was the 19th when we drove through the carpool line and I couldn't walk her in - talk about gut wrenching!  Izzie has loved being at TCA and God has already blessed her with some precious little friends.

On the 18th, Jonathan and I also celebrated 10 years of marriage.  I am so thankful for the godly husband and father he is.  There are some days I wonder why he puts up with me but I am thankful he does - he truly he a gift from God to me and one I know I don't deserve.
Izzie has started playing soccer this year - I am officially a soccer mom!  The team she plays on is more like the Bad News Bears more than anything but it is fun watching them play and she is having fun and that is the most important thing.

September 18, was another big milestone for the Castles' family - Izzie turned 5! We celebrated with family, friends and Taylor Swift - yes Izzie went to her first concert and saw Taylor Swift.  It was a great show and am I thankful we got the opportunity to go.  I can't believe she is 5 though!  She is truly another gift from God that I don't deserve.  While she is mine, I can truly say she is the most precious child in the world.  Her love of life, compassion for others and desire to please wows me.  She is learning more and more about Christ and the love he has for her.  I pray that Jonathan and I never hinder what the Lord has in store for her and may we always be pointing her in the direction of the cross.  

One of my most favorite times of the day is at night when Izzie is going to bed.  I lay down with her and she says her prayers - she prays for little sister in Ethiopia and that she comes home quickly, she prays for the children in Costa Rica and that they may be feed and she prays for her friends at school.  A 5 year old praying for the nations! (she gets it better than most adults) - it blows my mind but excites my heart.
As for the adoptions, things are just slow to be honest.  We are officially on the waiting list but who know how long it could be before we know something.  It is discouraging at times, but we continue to trust in God's timing for our family.
Also, our home is still for sale and we are trusting in His for this too.  We are anxious to sell our home but know He has everything worked out.
Please continue to pray for these two things for our family.


Thanks for your continued support!  Happy Fall Yall!

What Time is It....Wait, Summertime is almost over ?!

It's hard to believe that summertime is almost over. What ever happened to the long lazy days of summer? It almost seems as though summer months are the busiest. It has been a good summer - hopefully I can update on a few of those things here.

The biggest news we have is that we finally received our USCIS approval and are now officially DTE. This means we are finally officially waiting for our little girl. This part of the process could take 10-18 months, but again we are trusting in God's timing. I heard a man that I highly respect once say "If you are going to accept God as a sovereign God you must accept His sovereign timing". While this is a hard pill to swallow, we started this journey believing that and we continue to cling to that truth.

Another event for the summer was Jonathan's participation in our church's mission trip to Costa Rica. During the 7 day trip they worked with the missionary there that had started a couple of church plants, held a medical clinic and visited the poorest slum areas there. During one of the visits to the slums, Mark (the missionary) located 30 kids that were a part of the One to One project. These are the children that were sponsored by children at West Jackson, and for the first time were able to attend school (because they now had a uniform) and received a Spanish bible. There were over 200 children sponsored through this project!

So, remember one of our fund raising efforts - Building Castles One Foot At a Time? Well, because of the generous support of that effort, 30 kids received flip flops this day! Jonathan and others on the trip said the children were thrilled. He said their faces lit up with joy upon receiving a simple gift like flip

flops. So thank you - not only for supporting us but for providing flip flops for children in Costa Rica.

(Building Castles One Foot at A Time will be an on going project. We will continue to send flip flops to Mark as we have a good stock pile. And, if you are like me, and wear flip flops year around, I'm sure you would love a new pair)

Here are a few pictures from them handing out the flip flops:

Finally in just a matter of a few days, Izzie will be starting school. After a lot of prayer and discussion she will be attending Trinity Christian Academy. We decided that it would be best for her to do Pre-K again, since she has a semester birthday. Several of her church friends will be attending Pre-K at TCA so we think it will be a great transition from West Jackson to TCA. I can't believe my baby is going to big school.

A few reminders:

-We are still taking orders for flip flops. If you are interested you can email me at ncastles@uu.edu. There are pictures of some flip flops in a previous post but they can be customized.

-If you feel led to help in our adoption journey, there is a PayPal button at the top right of our blog. Feel free to donate there if the Lord leads you to.

In closing I ask that you pray for us in a couple of ways:

1. That we will continue to rest in His sovereign plan and TIMING. Sometimes it is easy to get the plan just not so much the timing. May we find comfort in all of His sovereign ways.

2. Our home is still for sale. We would love to be able to sale our home and move just as soon as possible (we are staying in Jackson). Pray that the Lord will bring a buyer to us and that we will be able to find a home that we free us to be more intentional with our finances but will also be a home for ministry.

3. Pray for us as we apply for grants and scholarships for our adoption. We trust the Lord will provide but we are also being pro-active in funding and applying for grants.

Thanks as always for being on this journey with us.

May Flowers

I absolutely love this time of year. I love the newness of life that nature reveals, I love the recommitment and focus on the death, burial and resurrection of our Savior during Easter, celebrating the bitter sweetness of Mother's Day and the kick off to summer. And while I don't love the storms that accompany this time of year, I do love the day after and seeing the sun shine so brightly revealing once again that His mercy is new everyday and Joy does come in the morning. He is faithful!

This May however brought one more celebration that normal - Izzie's graduation from Pre-K! She became a graduate of Pre-K on May 10th. The ceremony was so precious and adorable. Tears were shed (more on the the days leading up to graduation than during the actual ceremony) and pictures were taken. As I sat there during the ceremony I reflected on the very first day we took Izzie to West Jackson Daycare. I vividly remember seeing a mom walk her Pre-K daughter in to school and thinking "Lord, please don't' let time go too fast". Well, as all moms can attest to, time flew - way too fast and now we are on a new journey.

Deciding on a school for Izzie has been one of the hardest decision thus far we have had to make for her. Jonathan had been pretty set on a school for a while but I didn't truly have a peace about it until the mid weeks of May ago. One morning I woke up and it was truly like God had given me the answer and peace I was looking for. We will be enrolling Izzie into Trinity Christian Academy and look forward to being apart of a new family.

May also brought about a time for Jonathan and I to really search out what God is wanting for our family. One area that the Lord was dealing with us on was our home. We felt that He was leading us to place our home on the market and to look at finding somewhere else to call home. While we don't know what we want or where we are going to move (we are staying in Jackson) we know that we are being obedient to what He want and that is the most important thing.

As far as the adoption goes we are still waiting for our I-171H. There is another couple that is adopting from Ethiopia and they are about 2 weeks ahead of us with fingerprinting. They received their I-171H last week so we are hopefully we will receive ours soon.

So here is how you can pray for us for now:

1. That our 1-171H will arrive soon. We are very anxious to get our dossier into Ethiopia.

2. Pray that our home will sell and that we will be able to find a home that fits our needs as a growing family.

3.Begin to pray for Izzie as she transitions to a new school in the fall. Pray that the friends she has will grow to encourage her and strengthen her in Christ.

As for now, our family theme is "In His Timing". This is the desire of our hearts and we want to be ok with this. We know His timing is perfect and that is what we cling to.

Now it Begins.....

Well, as of April 19, 2011, Jonathan and I are officially done (I say this lightly) with what we have to do in order to continue the adoption process.
Ok, so there is more to do, but for now we are done. The paperchasing pregnancy has almost come to a close and we are ready for delivery :)
On Tuesdsay (April 19th) we went to Memphis to get fingerprinted by the USCIS. I loved seeing all the different nationalities represented there. Most of these people were there for interviews and a few like us there for fingerprinting. It wasn't busy at all, but like a government run office, we had to wait. The location of the building is in a strange location - across from Garden Ridge and next to a U-haul rental place - not the exact location for such an official place. My appointment was at 8 and Jonathan's at 9. We arrived at 8 and were out by 9 so the wait wasn't too bad.

So now we wait. Once we receive our I-171H document (which was the need for the fingerprinting) our dossier will be ready to send off to our home office in VA, then to DC for Hillary Clinton to sign and then off to Ethiopia for the long wait.

As we get closer to our paperwork being in Ethiopia I begin to be more anxious (in a good way) about the little girl that will be our little girl. I pray (and ask that you pray) for the mother that will carry her for 9 months. I pray for health and safety. I pray that the Lord will fill the void in her heart that will occur when she departs with her child. I pray that the Lord will bless her in a mighty way. You see in the story of adoption there is a wonderful, beautiful side and a heartbreaking, sorrowful side. God is revealing the darker side to me more and more. I have already pondered will our little girl's mom remember her on her birthday? Will she wonder what she is doing and how she is? I can't help but think those will be hard days for her. Please pray for the young lady (whomever she is).

So we wait and we trust.....