It’s November which means it is National Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month.  It also means that three years ago we began a journey that should have taken 6-9 months.  36 months later and the journey has not ended and I don’t think it is even close to being over.  In the last 36 months, jobs have changed, we’ve aged, our daughter is older, friendships have grown.  The past several months have been some of the toughest months of my life yet some of the most rewarding.  I have hurt and cried with others, I have cried alone, I have smiled and bellied laughed.  We’ve walked alongside other families beginning the adoption process and bringing their children and we’ve also seen the heartbreak that comes through this trying process.  We have traveled, gone to concerts and honestly have become very comfortable as a family of 3.  Life is “easy” and for the most part very routine and I like it.  However one thing has not changed – my heart still longs for a little boy that I don’t have or even know  yet.  A little boy that may not have been born  or a little boy that is lying in an orphanage bed longing to be held and loved.  Either way, I don’t have my son and my heart hurts for him. 

Over these months, I have questioned God’s call on our family.  Did I misinterpret His will for our family? Did He really call us to do this or is this just a passion and desire of my heart?  Am I being selfish and prideful to the call?  Why is it so hard for me to see others with the children they have adopted? Why does this process have to been so difficult and trying? If scripture tells us to care for the orphans, to seek justice and love mercy, that He will not leave them as orphans, then why on earth is this process so hard?  If He really cares, can’t He somehow change this stupid system we have?  I get angry at this process while my heart breaks for the children. WHY?????  That’s all want to ask and all I want know! I want to throw in the towel and say I’m done-I can’t do this anymore. 

A few weeks ago when I was having “a moment” and really asking these questions God reminded me that this journey isn’t about me. It’s not even about our family or the child we are adopting.  It is about being obedient to the call He has placed on our family.  It is about being faithful and TRUSTING His timing and will are perfect.  It is about Christ loving me so much that HE adopted me through the cross and calls me HIS child!  He loves me, He cares for me, HE died for me and if I truly believe those things then surely He will lead us and be faithful to us.   This life we live day in and day – we make it pretty comfortable.  We like the routine we have with our families- whether that is a family of 1 or 12.  We like life being easy.  But y’all being a follower of Christ was never promised to be easy and routine.  Being content with the easy life is a dangerous place to be.  I love the comfortable. I love the routine. I love the easy. But you know, I love my God and I don’t want to be in those places if He isn’t there. 

So this month as we start year 3 of waiting for our child I challenge you to look at your own life.  Are you too comfortable?  Is life just routine and easy? 

Did you know there are anywhere between 141-153 million orphans worldwide?

Did you know there are close to 400,000 kids in the foster care system in the US alone?
Did you know close to 30,000 children in the US age out of the system?
Did you know you don’t have to be a perfect person to be a perfect parent?

 If you are living and breathing you can help!  Yes, the numbers are daunting but to one you make a difference and that is the point!

You can adopt (don’t let finances be an issue). You can foster. You can Sponsor.

Just don’t let this month go by and not do anything.  Don’t be caught up in this game of life and being content and comfortable with what you have and how you are living – that is not what this life is about.  One of my biggest fears in life, is that I’ll get to be 80 years old, I’ll look back on my life and say man I missed it.  I could’ve made a bigger impact for Him, I could’ve done more but I missed out. 

I don’t want to live life like that….I want to get to the end of this life and say I did all could for the kingdom.

So if this journey we are on takes 36 more days or 36 more months, it is the journey He has called us to.  He is walking right beside us through this journey and will not leave us.  His timing is perfect and so is His will.  “He know the plans” for our family and I am good with that. 

In closing I want to share a verse with you.  A sweet dear friend sent this to me on one of my dark days and I am forever grateful.  She had no idea that on this particular day I needed exactly what she sent me.  I am grateful that she was sensitive to the Spirit’s leading to share this with me.

*M.S. I love you and will forever remember this verse and your ray of sunshine on one of my dark days.

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit you way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:3-7

 

 

If you would like to be a part of our adoption journey and can help support it financially, please go to https://www.purecharity.com/castlesadoption

Thank you for loving, supporting and praying for us over the last 36 months.  Please continue as the Lord leads you.

A Little Help from Our Friends

Hi Friends.  We have set up a fundraiser for our adoption through Pure Charity.  Please click on the link to find out more and how you can help.

As always, we are humbled by you being on this journey with us and ask if you can't help financially that you will lift us with your prayers.

https://www.purecharity.com/castlesadoption

the wait just continues....

Tenth Avenue North has a song out right now called Worn...here are the first few verses:

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

This is the way my heart feels right now with this whole adoption journey.  I am tired.  I am tired of processes changing.  I am tired of filling out paperwork.  I am tired of renewing fingerprints, home-studies and forms.....I'm just tired of it. 

In the last few weeks, my heart has gone from excitement and anticipation to questioning God's call on our family to pursue adoption.  (Let me pause here and say many families have been through much worse and I even feel guilty complaining, but my heart still hurts for the child we long to have) I have seen families that started their process long after we did get referral and even bring children home all while we still wait (again here my heart say I rejoice with these families and for the children they are receiving) 

About three weeks ago, after studying the referral chart and estimating referral times, I thought that maybe by September we would at least have a referral.  Court times had been moving at a decent pace and referrals were happening.  Then this past week everything changed.  

Here is a basic breakdown of the new changes and how it affects wait times.

Current: 8-14 weeks between Referral Acceptance and traveling for court: under PAIR the time frames will likely be 16-26 weeks

Current: 4-6 months between Referral Acceptance and coming home:under PAIR the time frames will likely be 8-10 months.

 Plus court will close for holiday early August and will re-open around October.

So what does this mean for us????? Well, it looks like yet another year of waiting.......

As I was reading scripture the other day about waiting, I came across the book of Habukkak.  To be real honest, I have no idea what is going on in the book except it is a book of prophesy for  the destruction of Judea and Jerusalem for the sins of the people.  Sounds pretty depressing to me.  Until I read 2:1-4. 

I especially love verses 3 and 4 which say "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.  See, he is puffed up his desires are not upright-but the righteous will live by his faith."

In Matthew Henry's commentary (which I read in trying to understand this book) he says "God will not disappoint the believing expectations of those who wait to hear what he will say unto them. All are concerned in the truths of God's word. Though the promised favour be deferred long, it will come at last, and abundantly recompense us for waiting. The humble, broken-hearted, repenting sinner, alone seeks to obtain an interest in this salvation. He will rest his soul on the promise, and on Christ, in and through whom it is given. Thus he walks and works, as well as lives by faith, perseveres to the end, and is exalted to glory; while those who distrust or despise God's all-sufficiency will not walk uprightly with him. The just shall live by faith in these precious promises, while the performance of them is deferred. Only those made just by faith, shall live, shall be happy here and for ever."

Did you see that?.... "Though the promised favour be deferred long it will come at last"....it is going to come y'all....it will come!  God called us to this - this adoption journey - he has ordained the season in which our family will become a family of 4 - he will orchestrate the heart of the mother who will carry our child - HE is in control of it all and He will not delay.  

I don't understand God's timing or his will for the wait (even though I've read an article entitled  "God's Will for the Wait" but I still have faith and will continue to trust.  My prayer is He finds us faithful - faithful to the call He has placed on our family - faithful to the wait -faithful to the work that is still before us.

Thank you for being on this journey with us.  Please continue to pray for our family as you remember during this waiting time.

It's Been a While

It has been a while since I last posted and for that I apologize.  Before you continue reading, please know that is not going to be "spiritually correct" or uplifting or anything else - today's post will truly be my heart speaking as I write.  

So I am sure your first question is "how is the adoption going and where are you in the process?".   This is a very valid question and the main reason why I am just now posting.  In one simple word the adoption is SLOW.  Two years ago when we started this journey, we thought the wait time for a referral would be approx. 8 months give or take a month or two.  We honestly thought be Christmas 2011 we would have a baby home and by now life would be moving along.  As you know around July 2011, Ethiopia slammed the brakes on processing adoptions.  They went from processing 100/daily to 3-5/day - a drastic change.  To say we were disappointed is an under statement but we always have trusted in God's timing.   As time progressed we became less proactive in our fundraising and planning.  We daily pray for our child, but we couldn't dwell on the wait - regardless of how frustrating it was or is.

Fast forward to July 2012, and we have officially been waiting a year for our baby.  Thankfully during this time, our family was in Costa Rica for a mission trip working with a church plant there.  This was a wonderful growing time for our family and I am thankful we were there when this "anniversary" came around.  

So here we are today.  We met with our Social Worker today (whom we love) to update our homestudy.  You see after so many months your fingerprints and homestudy have to be updated before they expire.  It was a wonderful meeting and we enjoyed seeing our social worker again, but the meeting came with more discouraging news - wait times for referrals are being increased again.....more waiting!  To say this came to us as a low blow is an understatement once again.  In my own mind I was hopeful for a referral by May 2013 (based on the referrals happening now).  However, due to the longer wait times, it could be July 2013 or later before we hear anything.  

I left our meeting angry and upset.  I am angry that we started the process as late as we did - why didn't we start this years ago since we have always know we were going to adopt?  I am angry and confused because daily I am told and read there are 147 Million orphans in the world, yet we are having to wait 2+ years to have a baby home? I am jealous of other families, adopting from other countries, that have not waited as long as us, that are receiving referrals and soon to be bringing babies home.  I question, did God really call our family to adopt?  These are real feelings and questions that I am dealing with (and I am sure other adoptive families do as well).  

This journey of adoption I knew would never be easy but as a mom of one who desires to mother more children, the wait becomes painful.  This is something I have wanted my whole life and the timing is out of my control so to sit and wait is so hard.  

As I sit here and write this tonight, my heart is still heavy.  I can't wait to receive the call that we have the referral.  I long for the moment that Jonathan, Izzie and I open the email together to see our baby for the very first time.  I live for the day I can wrap my arms around that baby and kiss its forehead.....these are the moments I long for.  But what I long for the most is for the ONE child God has for us.  The one perfect child that only He selected for us even before time began.  The one He knew would be perfect for us and that somehow we would be perfect for.  

Please pray for us as we continue to wait and seek God' plan for our family.  Pray that we will discern God's will for our family as we continue on this adoption journey.  We love each of you and thank you for being on this journey with us - through the highs and the lows.

Here are a few pictures from the past few months just to catch you up on our life:

Mission Trip to Costa Rica

Izzie starts Kindergarten

Izzie turns 6

"One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting on God" Oswald Chambers

Happy New Year! - I guess it is better late than never huh?  I can't believe we are already into the middle of February.  I hope this year so far has been kind to each one of you.


I haven't posted in a while simply because there hasn't been too much to talk about.  Things with the adoption and with life haven't changed and we are still just waiting - waiting on a referral, waiting on our house to sell, waiting on clarity for God's plan for our family.  To be completely honest, I hate to wait.  I like to be in control of situations in my life and with the things going in our family and currently I have no control.  I have no control of the government in Ethiopia, no control over the housing market and frankly no control of God's plan for our family.  If anything God is teaching me personally to stop trying to be in control.


I read an article not too long ago called "God's Will for Your Wait" by Paul Tripp  To say the timing of this article was perfect is a complete understatement.  Tripp points out 5 ways to look at the wait as God doing something rather than a struggle against the wait.


1)Remind yourself that your not alone.  Think about all the people that had to wait years in the bible.  Think about the hundreds of families that are waiting for a child just like we are - we are not alone in this. Waiting is a part of God's plan
2)Realize that the wait is active.  "To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of worship: worshiping God for his presence, wisdom, power, love, and grace. To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of serving: looking for ways to lovingly assist and encourage others who are also being called to wait. To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of praying: confessing the struggles of my heart and seeking the grace of the God who has called me to wait. We must rethink waiting and remind ourselves that waiting is itself a call to action."
3)Let waiting strengthen your faith.  There are three ways your faith can be strengthened through waiting a) by spending time in the Word, b) opening your heart to God for Him to reveal sin, weaknesses and even the struggles of your wait, c)recongize the opportunity to know others better on the same journey as you.
4)Count your blessings.  Instead of reminding yourself what you don't  have, focus on the blessings that you do have.
5)Long for Eternity.  God intends for us to long for home our eternal home.


After reading this article I realized how selfish I am with this whole waiting thing and to be honest I am still selfish with it. There is nothing I want more to bring my baby home - but I want the baby God has for us.  I remind myself daily that had it not been for the wait thus far, I would not have the baby God wants me to have one day.  These challenges, hiccups, bridges or whatever you want to call it, are, in my mind, designed to help in the timing of the perfect little baby God has for us - when I remember this I don't mind the wait.


So we wait.......and will continue to wait until the day our family is complete.......




Until then please pray for us in the following ways:
-that we would use this wait to grow in our relationship with Christ.  That HE would reveal sin, weaknesses and struggles we have in our hearts.
-for clarity as Jonathan and I make other decisions concerning our growing family
-that our home would sell


Thanks for being on this journey with us.

The Start of Something New....

As you can probably tell from the title of our last two postings we have been watching a lot of High School Musical lately and I have to admit sometimes I think I like them more than Izzie.
The past two months have been a whirlwind - Izzie beginning school, a new semester starting at Union, Izzie turning 5 and much much more.  It is really hard to believe that October is almost here!
Before the end of summer break we took a few days as a family and headed to the beach.  It was wonderful just being together as the 3 of us.  The beach was wonderful and we felt refreshed coming back (even though it is always so hard leaving the beach).  

Izzie started school August 18th.  I did better than I thought I would with crying but it was still hard.  The hardest day was the 19th when we drove through the carpool line and I couldn't walk her in - talk about gut wrenching!  Izzie has loved being at TCA and God has already blessed her with some precious little friends.

On the 18th, Jonathan and I also celebrated 10 years of marriage.  I am so thankful for the godly husband and father he is.  There are some days I wonder why he puts up with me but I am thankful he does - he truly he a gift from God to me and one I know I don't deserve.
Izzie has started playing soccer this year - I am officially a soccer mom!  The team she plays on is more like the Bad News Bears more than anything but it is fun watching them play and she is having fun and that is the most important thing.

September 18, was another big milestone for the Castles' family - Izzie turned 5! We celebrated with family, friends and Taylor Swift - yes Izzie went to her first concert and saw Taylor Swift.  It was a great show and am I thankful we got the opportunity to go.  I can't believe she is 5 though!  She is truly another gift from God that I don't deserve.  While she is mine, I can truly say she is the most precious child in the world.  Her love of life, compassion for others and desire to please wows me.  She is learning more and more about Christ and the love he has for her.  I pray that Jonathan and I never hinder what the Lord has in store for her and may we always be pointing her in the direction of the cross.  

One of my most favorite times of the day is at night when Izzie is going to bed.  I lay down with her and she says her prayers - she prays for little sister in Ethiopia and that she comes home quickly, she prays for the children in Costa Rica and that they may be feed and she prays for her friends at school.  A 5 year old praying for the nations! (she gets it better than most adults) - it blows my mind but excites my heart.
As for the adoptions, things are just slow to be honest.  We are officially on the waiting list but who know how long it could be before we know something.  It is discouraging at times, but we continue to trust in God's timing for our family.
Also, our home is still for sale and we are trusting in His for this too.  We are anxious to sell our home but know He has everything worked out.
Please continue to pray for these two things for our family.


Thanks for your continued support!  Happy Fall Yall!

What Time is It....Wait, Summertime is almost over ?!

It's hard to believe that summertime is almost over. What ever happened to the long lazy days of summer? It almost seems as though summer months are the busiest. It has been a good summer - hopefully I can update on a few of those things here.

The biggest news we have is that we finally received our USCIS approval and are now officially DTE. This means we are finally officially waiting for our little girl. This part of the process could take 10-18 months, but again we are trusting in God's timing. I heard a man that I highly respect once say "If you are going to accept God as a sovereign God you must accept His sovereign timing". While this is a hard pill to swallow, we started this journey believing that and we continue to cling to that truth.

Another event for the summer was Jonathan's participation in our church's mission trip to Costa Rica. During the 7 day trip they worked with the missionary there that had started a couple of church plants, held a medical clinic and visited the poorest slum areas there. During one of the visits to the slums, Mark (the missionary) located 30 kids that were a part of the One to One project. These are the children that were sponsored by children at West Jackson, and for the first time were able to attend school (because they now had a uniform) and received a Spanish bible. There were over 200 children sponsored through this project!

So, remember one of our fund raising efforts - Building Castles One Foot At a Time? Well, because of the generous support of that effort, 30 kids received flip flops this day! Jonathan and others on the trip said the children were thrilled. He said their faces lit up with joy upon receiving a simple gift like flip

flops. So thank you - not only for supporting us but for providing flip flops for children in Costa Rica.

(Building Castles One Foot at A Time will be an on going project. We will continue to send flip flops to Mark as we have a good stock pile. And, if you are like me, and wear flip flops year around, I'm sure you would love a new pair)

Here are a few pictures from them handing out the flip flops:

Finally in just a matter of a few days, Izzie will be starting school. After a lot of prayer and discussion she will be attending Trinity Christian Academy. We decided that it would be best for her to do Pre-K again, since she has a semester birthday. Several of her church friends will be attending Pre-K at TCA so we think it will be a great transition from West Jackson to TCA. I can't believe my baby is going to big school.

A few reminders:

-We are still taking orders for flip flops. If you are interested you can email me at ncastles@uu.edu. There are pictures of some flip flops in a previous post but they can be customized.

-If you feel led to help in our adoption journey, there is a PayPal button at the top right of our blog. Feel free to donate there if the Lord leads you to.

In closing I ask that you pray for us in a couple of ways:

1. That we will continue to rest in His sovereign plan and TIMING. Sometimes it is easy to get the plan just not so much the timing. May we find comfort in all of His sovereign ways.

2. Our home is still for sale. We would love to be able to sale our home and move just as soon as possible (we are staying in Jackson). Pray that the Lord will bring a buyer to us and that we will be able to find a home that we free us to be more intentional with our finances but will also be a home for ministry.

3. Pray for us as we apply for grants and scholarships for our adoption. We trust the Lord will provide but we are also being pro-active in funding and applying for grants.

Thanks as always for being on this journey with us.