It’s November which means it is National Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month.  It also means that three years ago we began a journey that should have taken 6-9 months.  36 months later and the journey has not ended and I don’t think it is even close to being over.  In the last 36 months, jobs have changed, we’ve aged, our daughter is older, friendships have grown.  The past several months have been some of the toughest months of my life yet some of the most rewarding.  I have hurt and cried with others, I have cried alone, I have smiled and bellied laughed.  We’ve walked alongside other families beginning the adoption process and bringing their children and we’ve also seen the heartbreak that comes through this trying process.  We have traveled, gone to concerts and honestly have become very comfortable as a family of 3.  Life is “easy” and for the most part very routine and I like it.  However one thing has not changed – my heart still longs for a little boy that I don’t have or even know  yet.  A little boy that may not have been born  or a little boy that is lying in an orphanage bed longing to be held and loved.  Either way, I don’t have my son and my heart hurts for him. 

Over these months, I have questioned God’s call on our family.  Did I misinterpret His will for our family? Did He really call us to do this or is this just a passion and desire of my heart?  Am I being selfish and prideful to the call?  Why is it so hard for me to see others with the children they have adopted? Why does this process have to been so difficult and trying? If scripture tells us to care for the orphans, to seek justice and love mercy, that He will not leave them as orphans, then why on earth is this process so hard?  If He really cares, can’t He somehow change this stupid system we have?  I get angry at this process while my heart breaks for the children. WHY?????  That’s all want to ask and all I want know! I want to throw in the towel and say I’m done-I can’t do this anymore. 

A few weeks ago when I was having “a moment” and really asking these questions God reminded me that this journey isn’t about me. It’s not even about our family or the child we are adopting.  It is about being obedient to the call He has placed on our family.  It is about being faithful and TRUSTING His timing and will are perfect.  It is about Christ loving me so much that HE adopted me through the cross and calls me HIS child!  He loves me, He cares for me, HE died for me and if I truly believe those things then surely He will lead us and be faithful to us.   This life we live day in and day – we make it pretty comfortable.  We like the routine we have with our families- whether that is a family of 1 or 12.  We like life being easy.  But y’all being a follower of Christ was never promised to be easy and routine.  Being content with the easy life is a dangerous place to be.  I love the comfortable. I love the routine. I love the easy. But you know, I love my God and I don’t want to be in those places if He isn’t there. 

So this month as we start year 3 of waiting for our child I challenge you to look at your own life.  Are you too comfortable?  Is life just routine and easy? 

Did you know there are anywhere between 141-153 million orphans worldwide?

Did you know there are close to 400,000 kids in the foster care system in the US alone?
Did you know close to 30,000 children in the US age out of the system?
Did you know you don’t have to be a perfect person to be a perfect parent?

 If you are living and breathing you can help!  Yes, the numbers are daunting but to one you make a difference and that is the point!

You can adopt (don’t let finances be an issue). You can foster. You can Sponsor.

Just don’t let this month go by and not do anything.  Don’t be caught up in this game of life and being content and comfortable with what you have and how you are living – that is not what this life is about.  One of my biggest fears in life, is that I’ll get to be 80 years old, I’ll look back on my life and say man I missed it.  I could’ve made a bigger impact for Him, I could’ve done more but I missed out. 

I don’t want to live life like that….I want to get to the end of this life and say I did all could for the kingdom.

So if this journey we are on takes 36 more days or 36 more months, it is the journey He has called us to.  He is walking right beside us through this journey and will not leave us.  His timing is perfect and so is His will.  “He know the plans” for our family and I am good with that. 

In closing I want to share a verse with you.  A sweet dear friend sent this to me on one of my dark days and I am forever grateful.  She had no idea that on this particular day I needed exactly what she sent me.  I am grateful that she was sensitive to the Spirit’s leading to share this with me.

*M.S. I love you and will forever remember this verse and your ray of sunshine on one of my dark days.

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit you way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:3-7

 

 

If you would like to be a part of our adoption journey and can help support it financially, please go to https://www.purecharity.com/castlesadoption

Thank you for loving, supporting and praying for us over the last 36 months.  Please continue as the Lord leads you.

A Little Help from Our Friends

Hi Friends.  We have set up a fundraiser for our adoption through Pure Charity.  Please click on the link to find out more and how you can help.

As always, we are humbled by you being on this journey with us and ask if you can't help financially that you will lift us with your prayers.

https://www.purecharity.com/castlesadoption

the wait just continues....

Tenth Avenue North has a song out right now called Worn...here are the first few verses:

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

This is the way my heart feels right now with this whole adoption journey.  I am tired.  I am tired of processes changing.  I am tired of filling out paperwork.  I am tired of renewing fingerprints, home-studies and forms.....I'm just tired of it. 

In the last few weeks, my heart has gone from excitement and anticipation to questioning God's call on our family to pursue adoption.  (Let me pause here and say many families have been through much worse and I even feel guilty complaining, but my heart still hurts for the child we long to have) I have seen families that started their process long after we did get referral and even bring children home all while we still wait (again here my heart say I rejoice with these families and for the children they are receiving) 

About three weeks ago, after studying the referral chart and estimating referral times, I thought that maybe by September we would at least have a referral.  Court times had been moving at a decent pace and referrals were happening.  Then this past week everything changed.  

Here is a basic breakdown of the new changes and how it affects wait times.

Current: 8-14 weeks between Referral Acceptance and traveling for court: under PAIR the time frames will likely be 16-26 weeks

Current: 4-6 months between Referral Acceptance and coming home:under PAIR the time frames will likely be 8-10 months.

 Plus court will close for holiday early August and will re-open around October.

So what does this mean for us????? Well, it looks like yet another year of waiting.......

As I was reading scripture the other day about waiting, I came across the book of Habukkak.  To be real honest, I have no idea what is going on in the book except it is a book of prophesy for  the destruction of Judea and Jerusalem for the sins of the people.  Sounds pretty depressing to me.  Until I read 2:1-4. 

I especially love verses 3 and 4 which say "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.  See, he is puffed up his desires are not upright-but the righteous will live by his faith."

In Matthew Henry's commentary (which I read in trying to understand this book) he says "God will not disappoint the believing expectations of those who wait to hear what he will say unto them. All are concerned in the truths of God's word. Though the promised favour be deferred long, it will come at last, and abundantly recompense us for waiting. The humble, broken-hearted, repenting sinner, alone seeks to obtain an interest in this salvation. He will rest his soul on the promise, and on Christ, in and through whom it is given. Thus he walks and works, as well as lives by faith, perseveres to the end, and is exalted to glory; while those who distrust or despise God's all-sufficiency will not walk uprightly with him. The just shall live by faith in these precious promises, while the performance of them is deferred. Only those made just by faith, shall live, shall be happy here and for ever."

Did you see that?.... "Though the promised favour be deferred long it will come at last"....it is going to come y'all....it will come!  God called us to this - this adoption journey - he has ordained the season in which our family will become a family of 4 - he will orchestrate the heart of the mother who will carry our child - HE is in control of it all and He will not delay.  

I don't understand God's timing or his will for the wait (even though I've read an article entitled  "God's Will for the Wait" but I still have faith and will continue to trust.  My prayer is He finds us faithful - faithful to the call He has placed on our family - faithful to the wait -faithful to the work that is still before us.

Thank you for being on this journey with us.  Please continue to pray for our family as you remember during this waiting time.