the wait just continues....

Tenth Avenue North has a song out right now called Worn...here are the first few verses:

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

This is the way my heart feels right now with this whole adoption journey.  I am tired.  I am tired of processes changing.  I am tired of filling out paperwork.  I am tired of renewing fingerprints, home-studies and forms.....I'm just tired of it. 

In the last few weeks, my heart has gone from excitement and anticipation to questioning God's call on our family to pursue adoption.  (Let me pause here and say many families have been through much worse and I even feel guilty complaining, but my heart still hurts for the child we long to have) I have seen families that started their process long after we did get referral and even bring children home all while we still wait (again here my heart say I rejoice with these families and for the children they are receiving) 

About three weeks ago, after studying the referral chart and estimating referral times, I thought that maybe by September we would at least have a referral.  Court times had been moving at a decent pace and referrals were happening.  Then this past week everything changed.  

Here is a basic breakdown of the new changes and how it affects wait times.

Current: 8-14 weeks between Referral Acceptance and traveling for court: under PAIR the time frames will likely be 16-26 weeks

Current: 4-6 months between Referral Acceptance and coming home:under PAIR the time frames will likely be 8-10 months.

 Plus court will close for holiday early August and will re-open around October.

So what does this mean for us????? Well, it looks like yet another year of waiting.......

As I was reading scripture the other day about waiting, I came across the book of Habukkak.  To be real honest, I have no idea what is going on in the book except it is a book of prophesy for  the destruction of Judea and Jerusalem for the sins of the people.  Sounds pretty depressing to me.  Until I read 2:1-4. 

I especially love verses 3 and 4 which say "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.  See, he is puffed up his desires are not upright-but the righteous will live by his faith."

In Matthew Henry's commentary (which I read in trying to understand this book) he says "God will not disappoint the believing expectations of those who wait to hear what he will say unto them. All are concerned in the truths of God's word. Though the promised favour be deferred long, it will come at last, and abundantly recompense us for waiting. The humble, broken-hearted, repenting sinner, alone seeks to obtain an interest in this salvation. He will rest his soul on the promise, and on Christ, in and through whom it is given. Thus he walks and works, as well as lives by faith, perseveres to the end, and is exalted to glory; while those who distrust or despise God's all-sufficiency will not walk uprightly with him. The just shall live by faith in these precious promises, while the performance of them is deferred. Only those made just by faith, shall live, shall be happy here and for ever."

Did you see that?.... "Though the promised favour be deferred long it will come at last"....it is going to come y'all....it will come!  God called us to this - this adoption journey - he has ordained the season in which our family will become a family of 4 - he will orchestrate the heart of the mother who will carry our child - HE is in control of it all and He will not delay.  

I don't understand God's timing or his will for the wait (even though I've read an article entitled  "God's Will for the Wait" but I still have faith and will continue to trust.  My prayer is He finds us faithful - faithful to the call He has placed on our family - faithful to the wait -faithful to the work that is still before us.

Thank you for being on this journey with us.  Please continue to pray for our family as you remember during this waiting time.