A Day of Thinking......

All day I've been thinking about what to write - what could I say that could sum up my thoughts on this "anniversary" date of our official wait.

At times my thoughts are mute.  There is really nothing to think, no thoughts to process, no feelings to communicate.  It's another day. Another day that, at times I become numb to.  I decided a long time ago that I couldn't fret over this process (of course, I thought our wait would only be 12 months).  So I go on about my day and enjoy the blessings God has been so generous with to me. 

At times my thoughts are anxious.  Over and over, I think about deadlines and forms and signatures and notaries and fees (oh, the fees).  My head spins at the mounds of paperwork we have collected over these past three years (and continue to collect) and the work that each one took.  The people that were involved in completing these forms - bosses, physicians, friends - and the time they invested in making sure these documents were completed properly.  Please know my sincere gratitude for your role in this.

At times my thoughts are just my thoughts.  I wonder if we are all alone on this journey. Do people even remember we are adopting?  Do they even care?  This process has made me understand that daily people are living, struggling with battles that I have no idea about.  I hope through this I can be more discerning of people's hurts and struggles and can offer support even when they don't ask.

At times my thoughts are longing.  I long to hold that child and kiss those dark brown cheeks.  I want to smell the sweetness of the coconut oil on his or hers skin.  I want to experience the sights and smells of the land my child will be birthed in.  I want to join the circles of families that have brought their little ones home.  When I think about these things I'm giddy.

On July 12, 2011 our family stood in the FedEx store with our adoption documents all in hand.  We prayed over that stack of paperwork asking that God would find favor in our work and bless our diligence in the tasks that had been given to us through that process.  We handed the thick envelope over to the worker-asking him to guard it with his life-and left.  Exactly 10 days later we got the call that we were officially put on the waiting list for our child.  

Thinking back to that day in FedEx, I would have never dreamed we would still be waiting.  The plan I had for our family wasn't this at all. By my calculations we should have been a family of 4 for about 2 years now but that isn't the case and the void is still there. His plan for our family is different.  I don't understand it and at times I get angry and frustrated about it all but we continue to trust and we continue to pray that He find favor in us for our wait and bless our diligence in the wait.....

so many thoughts on this anniversary day..........................

Crossroads

I have wrestled with writing this post for several days now.  For about 3 weeks my mind has raced-it is filled with questions, scenarios, doubt, frustrations.....I have wept, I have hurt, I have been numb.....I have been brought to a crossroads asking "What do we do?" "Why"

For those of you that don't know the background to all of this.....
On December 29th word was received from Ethiopia that "The House of Peoples' Representatives and the Ministry of Women, Children and Youth urged stakeholders and the public to undertake integrated work to totally stop adoption of Ethiopian children by foreign families."  (Here is a link to the whole article: http://allafrica.com/stories/201312260586.html)
The groups urging this movement were to submit a formal proposal on January 16th and hopefully families here in the states going through this process would know the "fate" of their Ethiopian adoption. On 16th we were informed that no decision has been reached and there have even been rumors that the meeting hasn't even taken place yet...big surprise there that something in Ethiopia didn't stay as planned (sarcasm there).

(Brutally honest section coming.....)
My heart was and is broken.  For 3 years we have waited patiently (ok, sometimes impatiently) for the referral of a precious little boy.  We have prayed for him, his birth parents and the process.  I have fallen in love with Ethiopia - the culture, the country, but mostly the people....the beautiful people.  I hurt that I may never have the little Ethiopian boy I have longed for.  I don't understand why other families have completed their programs faster than us...I'm honestly so jealous of them....I think "when is it my turn to hold my little boy in my arms?".

During this time I have had so many emotions and questions. 
-Why did we wait so long to start this adoption process when we knew we would do it all along?
-Why did we feel called to Ethiopia only to potentially have this door shut on us forever?
-If God loves orphans (and his word clearly says he does) then why is He allowing a country that can't sustain itself, push to shut down international adoptions all together?
-Did He truly call our family to adopt...did we misinterpret this calling? But if I'm so passionate about orphans, could this calling really be a mistake?

I honestly just want to sit down with God and say "why...why are you doing this?"  I want him to show me "the big picture" once all the craziness fades.
-I struggle over the fact that so many have supported us both financially and through prayers and this will only let them down.....how do we ever re-pay what friends and family have done for us?
-Do we continue on with Ethiopia, do we start something different? Do we continue to invest in a program we don't know the future of? 
There are so many what's, if's and when's at this point? It is one of those times I need God's writing on the walls, in the sky...somewhere very visible and clear that says "do this".
(funny thing is as I just typed that, tears came to my eyes as I thought..."Nikki, all He wants you to do is trust him")

So we are at a crossroads...
-If we pull out of the program all together, before we know an answer from Ethiopia we lose all we have invested in to it.
-If continue on "seeing what happens" we have to pay for fingerprints, homestudy updates and other things to stay up to date....these are fees that if we pay them, we don't get back. (so do we continue to invest in something that is so unsure)
-Do we start another program with a different agency, have more out of pocket expenses and just see what happens?
(If the program closes all together, we have not been told by our agency what monies we might get back)
-There are other scenarios but I'm sure you are bored enough already.

So the Crossroads is before us...the "point at which a vital decision must be made."

If you feel led, would you pray for our family while we stand at this crossroads? Would you pray that God's plan for our family would be very clear to us?  Would you pray for those in Ethiopia that are pushing for this process?  Would you pray for the millions of children that will be affected by this decision if passed?

Here's the deal for me though...if they are going to close it, just close (hear me say though I don't want them to close) and let's get moving....I hate this "hanging/uncertainty" stage we are in.  I'm a doer and a fixer....I can't fix this program (believe me I would have a long time ago) but I can be doing some thing...but as long as we don't know I can't do anything.

We need clarity more than ever right now.  To be honest to start the process all over again, the paperwork, the home visits, the background checks - it all makes me nauseous, but the idea of not adopting a child makes me feel even sicker.

"This is what the Lord says 'Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is and walk in it and you will find rest for your souls...'" Jeremiah 6:16
   

It’s November which means it is National Adoption/Orphan Awareness Month.  It also means that three years ago we began a journey that should have taken 6-9 months.  36 months later and the journey has not ended and I don’t think it is even close to being over.  In the last 36 months, jobs have changed, we’ve aged, our daughter is older, friendships have grown.  The past several months have been some of the toughest months of my life yet some of the most rewarding.  I have hurt and cried with others, I have cried alone, I have smiled and bellied laughed.  We’ve walked alongside other families beginning the adoption process and bringing their children and we’ve also seen the heartbreak that comes through this trying process.  We have traveled, gone to concerts and honestly have become very comfortable as a family of 3.  Life is “easy” and for the most part very routine and I like it.  However one thing has not changed – my heart still longs for a little boy that I don’t have or even know  yet.  A little boy that may not have been born  or a little boy that is lying in an orphanage bed longing to be held and loved.  Either way, I don’t have my son and my heart hurts for him. 

Over these months, I have questioned God’s call on our family.  Did I misinterpret His will for our family? Did He really call us to do this or is this just a passion and desire of my heart?  Am I being selfish and prideful to the call?  Why is it so hard for me to see others with the children they have adopted? Why does this process have to been so difficult and trying? If scripture tells us to care for the orphans, to seek justice and love mercy, that He will not leave them as orphans, then why on earth is this process so hard?  If He really cares, can’t He somehow change this stupid system we have?  I get angry at this process while my heart breaks for the children. WHY?????  That’s all want to ask and all I want know! I want to throw in the towel and say I’m done-I can’t do this anymore. 

A few weeks ago when I was having “a moment” and really asking these questions God reminded me that this journey isn’t about me. It’s not even about our family or the child we are adopting.  It is about being obedient to the call He has placed on our family.  It is about being faithful and TRUSTING His timing and will are perfect.  It is about Christ loving me so much that HE adopted me through the cross and calls me HIS child!  He loves me, He cares for me, HE died for me and if I truly believe those things then surely He will lead us and be faithful to us.   This life we live day in and day – we make it pretty comfortable.  We like the routine we have with our families- whether that is a family of 1 or 12.  We like life being easy.  But y’all being a follower of Christ was never promised to be easy and routine.  Being content with the easy life is a dangerous place to be.  I love the comfortable. I love the routine. I love the easy. But you know, I love my God and I don’t want to be in those places if He isn’t there. 

So this month as we start year 3 of waiting for our child I challenge you to look at your own life.  Are you too comfortable?  Is life just routine and easy? 

Did you know there are anywhere between 141-153 million orphans worldwide?

Did you know there are close to 400,000 kids in the foster care system in the US alone?
Did you know close to 30,000 children in the US age out of the system?
Did you know you don’t have to be a perfect person to be a perfect parent?

 If you are living and breathing you can help!  Yes, the numbers are daunting but to one you make a difference and that is the point!

You can adopt (don’t let finances be an issue). You can foster. You can Sponsor.

Just don’t let this month go by and not do anything.  Don’t be caught up in this game of life and being content and comfortable with what you have and how you are living – that is not what this life is about.  One of my biggest fears in life, is that I’ll get to be 80 years old, I’ll look back on my life and say man I missed it.  I could’ve made a bigger impact for Him, I could’ve done more but I missed out. 

I don’t want to live life like that….I want to get to the end of this life and say I did all could for the kingdom.

So if this journey we are on takes 36 more days or 36 more months, it is the journey He has called us to.  He is walking right beside us through this journey and will not leave us.  His timing is perfect and so is His will.  “He know the plans” for our family and I am good with that. 

In closing I want to share a verse with you.  A sweet dear friend sent this to me on one of my dark days and I am forever grateful.  She had no idea that on this particular day I needed exactly what she sent me.  I am grateful that she was sensitive to the Spirit’s leading to share this with me.

*M.S. I love you and will forever remember this verse and your ray of sunshine on one of my dark days.

“Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit you way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.  Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him.” Psalm 37:3-7

 

 

If you would like to be a part of our adoption journey and can help support it financially, please go to https://www.purecharity.com/castlesadoption

Thank you for loving, supporting and praying for us over the last 36 months.  Please continue as the Lord leads you.

A Little Help from Our Friends

Hi Friends.  We have set up a fundraiser for our adoption through Pure Charity.  Please click on the link to find out more and how you can help.

As always, we are humbled by you being on this journey with us and ask if you can't help financially that you will lift us with your prayers.

https://www.purecharity.com/castlesadoption

the wait just continues....

Tenth Avenue North has a song out right now called Worn...here are the first few verses:

I'm tired
I'm worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

This is the way my heart feels right now with this whole adoption journey.  I am tired.  I am tired of processes changing.  I am tired of filling out paperwork.  I am tired of renewing fingerprints, home-studies and forms.....I'm just tired of it. 

In the last few weeks, my heart has gone from excitement and anticipation to questioning God's call on our family to pursue adoption.  (Let me pause here and say many families have been through much worse and I even feel guilty complaining, but my heart still hurts for the child we long to have) I have seen families that started their process long after we did get referral and even bring children home all while we still wait (again here my heart say I rejoice with these families and for the children they are receiving) 

About three weeks ago, after studying the referral chart and estimating referral times, I thought that maybe by September we would at least have a referral.  Court times had been moving at a decent pace and referrals were happening.  Then this past week everything changed.  

Here is a basic breakdown of the new changes and how it affects wait times.

Current: 8-14 weeks between Referral Acceptance and traveling for court: under PAIR the time frames will likely be 16-26 weeks

Current: 4-6 months between Referral Acceptance and coming home:under PAIR the time frames will likely be 8-10 months.

 Plus court will close for holiday early August and will re-open around October.

So what does this mean for us????? Well, it looks like yet another year of waiting.......

As I was reading scripture the other day about waiting, I came across the book of Habukkak.  To be real honest, I have no idea what is going on in the book except it is a book of prophesy for  the destruction of Judea and Jerusalem for the sins of the people.  Sounds pretty depressing to me.  Until I read 2:1-4. 

I especially love verses 3 and 4 which say "For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.  Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.  See, he is puffed up his desires are not upright-but the righteous will live by his faith."

In Matthew Henry's commentary (which I read in trying to understand this book) he says "God will not disappoint the believing expectations of those who wait to hear what he will say unto them. All are concerned in the truths of God's word. Though the promised favour be deferred long, it will come at last, and abundantly recompense us for waiting. The humble, broken-hearted, repenting sinner, alone seeks to obtain an interest in this salvation. He will rest his soul on the promise, and on Christ, in and through whom it is given. Thus he walks and works, as well as lives by faith, perseveres to the end, and is exalted to glory; while those who distrust or despise God's all-sufficiency will not walk uprightly with him. The just shall live by faith in these precious promises, while the performance of them is deferred. Only those made just by faith, shall live, shall be happy here and for ever."

Did you see that?.... "Though the promised favour be deferred long it will come at last"....it is going to come y'all....it will come!  God called us to this - this adoption journey - he has ordained the season in which our family will become a family of 4 - he will orchestrate the heart of the mother who will carry our child - HE is in control of it all and He will not delay.  

I don't understand God's timing or his will for the wait (even though I've read an article entitled  "God's Will for the Wait" but I still have faith and will continue to trust.  My prayer is He finds us faithful - faithful to the call He has placed on our family - faithful to the wait -faithful to the work that is still before us.

Thank you for being on this journey with us.  Please continue to pray for our family as you remember during this waiting time.

It's Been a While

It has been a while since I last posted and for that I apologize.  Before you continue reading, please know that is not going to be "spiritually correct" or uplifting or anything else - today's post will truly be my heart speaking as I write.  

So I am sure your first question is "how is the adoption going and where are you in the process?".   This is a very valid question and the main reason why I am just now posting.  In one simple word the adoption is SLOW.  Two years ago when we started this journey, we thought the wait time for a referral would be approx. 8 months give or take a month or two.  We honestly thought be Christmas 2011 we would have a baby home and by now life would be moving along.  As you know around July 2011, Ethiopia slammed the brakes on processing adoptions.  They went from processing 100/daily to 3-5/day - a drastic change.  To say we were disappointed is an under statement but we always have trusted in God's timing.   As time progressed we became less proactive in our fundraising and planning.  We daily pray for our child, but we couldn't dwell on the wait - regardless of how frustrating it was or is.

Fast forward to July 2012, and we have officially been waiting a year for our baby.  Thankfully during this time, our family was in Costa Rica for a mission trip working with a church plant there.  This was a wonderful growing time for our family and I am thankful we were there when this "anniversary" came around.  

So here we are today.  We met with our Social Worker today (whom we love) to update our homestudy.  You see after so many months your fingerprints and homestudy have to be updated before they expire.  It was a wonderful meeting and we enjoyed seeing our social worker again, but the meeting came with more discouraging news - wait times for referrals are being increased again.....more waiting!  To say this came to us as a low blow is an understatement once again.  In my own mind I was hopeful for a referral by May 2013 (based on the referrals happening now).  However, due to the longer wait times, it could be July 2013 or later before we hear anything.  

I left our meeting angry and upset.  I am angry that we started the process as late as we did - why didn't we start this years ago since we have always know we were going to adopt?  I am angry and confused because daily I am told and read there are 147 Million orphans in the world, yet we are having to wait 2+ years to have a baby home? I am jealous of other families, adopting from other countries, that have not waited as long as us, that are receiving referrals and soon to be bringing babies home.  I question, did God really call our family to adopt?  These are real feelings and questions that I am dealing with (and I am sure other adoptive families do as well).  

This journey of adoption I knew would never be easy but as a mom of one who desires to mother more children, the wait becomes painful.  This is something I have wanted my whole life and the timing is out of my control so to sit and wait is so hard.  

As I sit here and write this tonight, my heart is still heavy.  I can't wait to receive the call that we have the referral.  I long for the moment that Jonathan, Izzie and I open the email together to see our baby for the very first time.  I live for the day I can wrap my arms around that baby and kiss its forehead.....these are the moments I long for.  But what I long for the most is for the ONE child God has for us.  The one perfect child that only He selected for us even before time began.  The one He knew would be perfect for us and that somehow we would be perfect for.  

Please pray for us as we continue to wait and seek God' plan for our family.  Pray that we will discern God's will for our family as we continue on this adoption journey.  We love each of you and thank you for being on this journey with us - through the highs and the lows.

Here are a few pictures from the past few months just to catch you up on our life:

Mission Trip to Costa Rica

Izzie starts Kindergarten

Izzie turns 6

"One of the greatest strains in life is the strain of waiting on God" Oswald Chambers

Happy New Year! - I guess it is better late than never huh?  I can't believe we are already into the middle of February.  I hope this year so far has been kind to each one of you.


I haven't posted in a while simply because there hasn't been too much to talk about.  Things with the adoption and with life haven't changed and we are still just waiting - waiting on a referral, waiting on our house to sell, waiting on clarity for God's plan for our family.  To be completely honest, I hate to wait.  I like to be in control of situations in my life and with the things going in our family and currently I have no control.  I have no control of the government in Ethiopia, no control over the housing market and frankly no control of God's plan for our family.  If anything God is teaching me personally to stop trying to be in control.


I read an article not too long ago called "God's Will for Your Wait" by Paul Tripp  To say the timing of this article was perfect is a complete understatement.  Tripp points out 5 ways to look at the wait as God doing something rather than a struggle against the wait.


1)Remind yourself that your not alone.  Think about all the people that had to wait years in the bible.  Think about the hundreds of families that are waiting for a child just like we are - we are not alone in this. Waiting is a part of God's plan
2)Realize that the wait is active.  "To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of worship: worshiping God for his presence, wisdom, power, love, and grace. To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of serving: looking for ways to lovingly assist and encourage others who are also being called to wait. To be called to wait is to be called to the activity of praying: confessing the struggles of my heart and seeking the grace of the God who has called me to wait. We must rethink waiting and remind ourselves that waiting is itself a call to action."
3)Let waiting strengthen your faith.  There are three ways your faith can be strengthened through waiting a) by spending time in the Word, b) opening your heart to God for Him to reveal sin, weaknesses and even the struggles of your wait, c)recongize the opportunity to know others better on the same journey as you.
4)Count your blessings.  Instead of reminding yourself what you don't  have, focus on the blessings that you do have.
5)Long for Eternity.  God intends for us to long for home our eternal home.


After reading this article I realized how selfish I am with this whole waiting thing and to be honest I am still selfish with it. There is nothing I want more to bring my baby home - but I want the baby God has for us.  I remind myself daily that had it not been for the wait thus far, I would not have the baby God wants me to have one day.  These challenges, hiccups, bridges or whatever you want to call it, are, in my mind, designed to help in the timing of the perfect little baby God has for us - when I remember this I don't mind the wait.


So we wait.......and will continue to wait until the day our family is complete.......




Until then please pray for us in the following ways:
-that we would use this wait to grow in our relationship with Christ.  That HE would reveal sin, weaknesses and struggles we have in our hearts.
-for clarity as Jonathan and I make other decisions concerning our growing family
-that our home would sell


Thanks for being on this journey with us.

The Start of Something New....

As you can probably tell from the title of our last two postings we have been watching a lot of High School Musical lately and I have to admit sometimes I think I like them more than Izzie.
The past two months have been a whirlwind - Izzie beginning school, a new semester starting at Union, Izzie turning 5 and much much more.  It is really hard to believe that October is almost here!
Before the end of summer break we took a few days as a family and headed to the beach.  It was wonderful just being together as the 3 of us.  The beach was wonderful and we felt refreshed coming back (even though it is always so hard leaving the beach).  

Izzie started school August 18th.  I did better than I thought I would with crying but it was still hard.  The hardest day was the 19th when we drove through the carpool line and I couldn't walk her in - talk about gut wrenching!  Izzie has loved being at TCA and God has already blessed her with some precious little friends.

On the 18th, Jonathan and I also celebrated 10 years of marriage.  I am so thankful for the godly husband and father he is.  There are some days I wonder why he puts up with me but I am thankful he does - he truly he a gift from God to me and one I know I don't deserve.
Izzie has started playing soccer this year - I am officially a soccer mom!  The team she plays on is more like the Bad News Bears more than anything but it is fun watching them play and she is having fun and that is the most important thing.

September 18, was another big milestone for the Castles' family - Izzie turned 5! We celebrated with family, friends and Taylor Swift - yes Izzie went to her first concert and saw Taylor Swift.  It was a great show and am I thankful we got the opportunity to go.  I can't believe she is 5 though!  She is truly another gift from God that I don't deserve.  While she is mine, I can truly say she is the most precious child in the world.  Her love of life, compassion for others and desire to please wows me.  She is learning more and more about Christ and the love he has for her.  I pray that Jonathan and I never hinder what the Lord has in store for her and may we always be pointing her in the direction of the cross.  

One of my most favorite times of the day is at night when Izzie is going to bed.  I lay down with her and she says her prayers - she prays for little sister in Ethiopia and that she comes home quickly, she prays for the children in Costa Rica and that they may be feed and she prays for her friends at school.  A 5 year old praying for the nations! (she gets it better than most adults) - it blows my mind but excites my heart.
As for the adoptions, things are just slow to be honest.  We are officially on the waiting list but who know how long it could be before we know something.  It is discouraging at times, but we continue to trust in God's timing for our family.
Also, our home is still for sale and we are trusting in His for this too.  We are anxious to sell our home but know He has everything worked out.
Please continue to pray for these two things for our family.


Thanks for your continued support!  Happy Fall Yall!

What Time is It....Wait, Summertime is almost over ?!

It's hard to believe that summertime is almost over. What ever happened to the long lazy days of summer? It almost seems as though summer months are the busiest. It has been a good summer - hopefully I can update on a few of those things here.

The biggest news we have is that we finally received our USCIS approval and are now officially DTE. This means we are finally officially waiting for our little girl. This part of the process could take 10-18 months, but again we are trusting in God's timing. I heard a man that I highly respect once say "If you are going to accept God as a sovereign God you must accept His sovereign timing". While this is a hard pill to swallow, we started this journey believing that and we continue to cling to that truth.

Another event for the summer was Jonathan's participation in our church's mission trip to Costa Rica. During the 7 day trip they worked with the missionary there that had started a couple of church plants, held a medical clinic and visited the poorest slum areas there. During one of the visits to the slums, Mark (the missionary) located 30 kids that were a part of the One to One project. These are the children that were sponsored by children at West Jackson, and for the first time were able to attend school (because they now had a uniform) and received a Spanish bible. There were over 200 children sponsored through this project!

So, remember one of our fund raising efforts - Building Castles One Foot At a Time? Well, because of the generous support of that effort, 30 kids received flip flops this day! Jonathan and others on the trip said the children were thrilled. He said their faces lit up with joy upon receiving a simple gift like flip

flops. So thank you - not only for supporting us but for providing flip flops for children in Costa Rica.

(Building Castles One Foot at A Time will be an on going project. We will continue to send flip flops to Mark as we have a good stock pile. And, if you are like me, and wear flip flops year around, I'm sure you would love a new pair)

Here are a few pictures from them handing out the flip flops:

Finally in just a matter of a few days, Izzie will be starting school. After a lot of prayer and discussion she will be attending Trinity Christian Academy. We decided that it would be best for her to do Pre-K again, since she has a semester birthday. Several of her church friends will be attending Pre-K at TCA so we think it will be a great transition from West Jackson to TCA. I can't believe my baby is going to big school.

A few reminders:

-We are still taking orders for flip flops. If you are interested you can email me at ncastles@uu.edu. There are pictures of some flip flops in a previous post but they can be customized.

-If you feel led to help in our adoption journey, there is a PayPal button at the top right of our blog. Feel free to donate there if the Lord leads you to.

In closing I ask that you pray for us in a couple of ways:

1. That we will continue to rest in His sovereign plan and TIMING. Sometimes it is easy to get the plan just not so much the timing. May we find comfort in all of His sovereign ways.

2. Our home is still for sale. We would love to be able to sale our home and move just as soon as possible (we are staying in Jackson). Pray that the Lord will bring a buyer to us and that we will be able to find a home that we free us to be more intentional with our finances but will also be a home for ministry.

3. Pray for us as we apply for grants and scholarships for our adoption. We trust the Lord will provide but we are also being pro-active in funding and applying for grants.

Thanks as always for being on this journey with us.

May Flowers

I absolutely love this time of year. I love the newness of life that nature reveals, I love the recommitment and focus on the death, burial and resurrection of our Savior during Easter, celebrating the bitter sweetness of Mother's Day and the kick off to summer. And while I don't love the storms that accompany this time of year, I do love the day after and seeing the sun shine so brightly revealing once again that His mercy is new everyday and Joy does come in the morning. He is faithful!

This May however brought one more celebration that normal - Izzie's graduation from Pre-K! She became a graduate of Pre-K on May 10th. The ceremony was so precious and adorable. Tears were shed (more on the the days leading up to graduation than during the actual ceremony) and pictures were taken. As I sat there during the ceremony I reflected on the very first day we took Izzie to West Jackson Daycare. I vividly remember seeing a mom walk her Pre-K daughter in to school and thinking "Lord, please don't' let time go too fast". Well, as all moms can attest to, time flew - way too fast and now we are on a new journey.

Deciding on a school for Izzie has been one of the hardest decision thus far we have had to make for her. Jonathan had been pretty set on a school for a while but I didn't truly have a peace about it until the mid weeks of May ago. One morning I woke up and it was truly like God had given me the answer and peace I was looking for. We will be enrolling Izzie into Trinity Christian Academy and look forward to being apart of a new family.

May also brought about a time for Jonathan and I to really search out what God is wanting for our family. One area that the Lord was dealing with us on was our home. We felt that He was leading us to place our home on the market and to look at finding somewhere else to call home. While we don't know what we want or where we are going to move (we are staying in Jackson) we know that we are being obedient to what He want and that is the most important thing.

As far as the adoption goes we are still waiting for our I-171H. There is another couple that is adopting from Ethiopia and they are about 2 weeks ahead of us with fingerprinting. They received their I-171H last week so we are hopefully we will receive ours soon.

So here is how you can pray for us for now:

1. That our 1-171H will arrive soon. We are very anxious to get our dossier into Ethiopia.

2. Pray that our home will sell and that we will be able to find a home that fits our needs as a growing family.

3.Begin to pray for Izzie as she transitions to a new school in the fall. Pray that the friends she has will grow to encourage her and strengthen her in Christ.

As for now, our family theme is "In His Timing". This is the desire of our hearts and we want to be ok with this. We know His timing is perfect and that is what we cling to.

Now it Begins.....

Well, as of April 19, 2011, Jonathan and I are officially done (I say this lightly) with what we have to do in order to continue the adoption process.
Ok, so there is more to do, but for now we are done. The paperchasing pregnancy has almost come to a close and we are ready for delivery :)
On Tuesdsay (April 19th) we went to Memphis to get fingerprinted by the USCIS. I loved seeing all the different nationalities represented there. Most of these people were there for interviews and a few like us there for fingerprinting. It wasn't busy at all, but like a government run office, we had to wait. The location of the building is in a strange location - across from Garden Ridge and next to a U-haul rental place - not the exact location for such an official place. My appointment was at 8 and Jonathan's at 9. We arrived at 8 and were out by 9 so the wait wasn't too bad.

So now we wait. Once we receive our I-171H document (which was the need for the fingerprinting) our dossier will be ready to send off to our home office in VA, then to DC for Hillary Clinton to sign and then off to Ethiopia for the long wait.

As we get closer to our paperwork being in Ethiopia I begin to be more anxious (in a good way) about the little girl that will be our little girl. I pray (and ask that you pray) for the mother that will carry her for 9 months. I pray for health and safety. I pray that the Lord will fill the void in her heart that will occur when she departs with her child. I pray that the Lord will bless her in a mighty way. You see in the story of adoption there is a wonderful, beautiful side and a heartbreaking, sorrowful side. God is revealing the darker side to me more and more. I have already pondered will our little girl's mom remember her on her birthday? Will she wonder what she is doing and how she is? I can't help but think those will be hard days for her. Please pray for the young lady (whomever she is).

So we wait and we trust.....

Building Castles....One Foot at a Time ?!

Adoption is expensive - there is no way to say it nicely but it is. The processsing costs, the application fees, the post placement fees, the USCIS fees, and much more add up to well, a lot of money. I would dare say that for a majority of people that would like to adopt finances is the main reason why they don't pursue it. However I would also say that when God calls us to do something he provides for us. I don't believe that money will fall from the sky, but with a combination of donations, savings, grants, and yes, even loans, you can bring a child into their forever family. We are not called to be obedient once all the cards are counted, we are called to be obedient immediately to His calling on our life and in this case, a child's life depends on our obedience.

So as I mentioned in an earlier blog, you may not be called to bring a child into your home but as believers we called to do something. This may include sponsoring a child, fostering, and yes, giving to others that are adopting.

Asking is a humbling thing. We as humans like to be self-relying. We are taught early on to provide for ourselves and our families and anything less is almost failure. However, as believers our whole identity is based on asking. Asking Christ for forgiveness, relying on him to provide, trusting Him to lead the way - Christ humbled himself so we are to humbly ourselves.

So I humble myself......I am asking for your help in bringing our forever child home. In an effort to help fund our adoption we have started a flip flop campaign called:

"Building Castles One Foot at a Time". In conjuction with our local church, West Jackson, for each pair of flips flops purchased (adult or child sizes) a child's pair of flip flops will be donated to children in Costa Rica that are a part of the ONE to ONE Project. With your donation of $20, you will be providing flip flops for a child in Costa Rica, obtain a cute pair of flip flops for yourself and help bring home our little girl from Ethiopia.

If you are interested in purchasing a pair of flip flops, email me at ncastles@uu.edu . See pictures on previous post of some sample flops we've already done:

First Things First

I love firsts in life. I love the first time you visit somewhere, the first time to eat a food and the first time to experience a new adventure. I especially love experiencing firsts with children. I love when their eyes light up, all the ooh's and ahh's, and even the questions that come with firsts and I love doing this with Izzie.

Some of you may think I'm terrible but I don't really remember the first time Izzie walked or even the first time she said a word (even though her first word was Dada). However the things I do remember are the things that are important to me. Her first trip to the zoo, her first Happy Meal, her first time to Disney, even her very first trip to Target (yes, her first trip to Target was a milestone for me...she was 1 week old) and the first time she looked in my eyes and said I love you Mommy this much (with her arms opened as wide as she could get them). (And yes, I cried during all these things)

This weekend Izzie got to experience more firsts. We took a quick trip to Gatlinburg/Pigeon Forge with some of our best friends and had a wonderful time. Izzie has been to Chattanooga before but I was hoping she would be even more amazed by the beauty of these mountains - funny thing is the whole time we were there she kept asking when we would be to the mountains - oh, children and their honesty. However my firsts quest was not compromised. She got to have her first Krispy Kreme donut, rode on her first chair lift, rode the Alpine Slide for the first time and even did a rock climb and ropes course for the first time. The laughter, yums and wonder that accompanied these "events" are some that I will always remember and I hope she does. ( I guess that is why I take hundreds of pictures too.)

I never want to pass on a moment for a first. In my opinion, the wonderment of children is fleeting and I long to capture as much as I can while Izzie still has it. I want to capture it all and while doing so maybe even open her eyes to something she grows to love. I pray that these firsts she has may tap in to the gifts and talents God has equipped her with and that one day she will use them for His glory. Whose to say that rock climbing with her dad doesn't open a love for nature and God's creation? I can't say that it will or won't - I'm not to decide - but as a parent I want to give my child opportunity to try things that may potentially open doors for her. (For any critics out there please don't jump to conclusions, I don't push my child to do anything though - I just give her options to do so.)

I can't wait for the firsts we'll experience with our new baby. While I may miss out on the first time she crawls and maybe even talks or walks, I will be able to experience the firsts I love....the first Happy Meal, the first zoo trip and yes, even the first trip to Target.

The one first I long for though for both of our girls (and any other children we may have) is the first time they realize the love of our Heavenly Father. The first time they accept the love of Christ and understand their lost-ness without it. This first is one that I can't create but one I pray will occur in the life of my children. As parents, with all the opportunities we give our children, this is the one first we should pray for, encourage and talk through and then leave in the Father's hands to let it happen....for it was He who loved us First......

Izzie and Epeopa

In my last post I really didn't mention a lot about what Izzie thought about her new sister that would soon be adopted from Ethiopia - so I thought I would give a little insight to her view of this journey.

When Jonathan and I started talking about adding to our family Izzie had a lot of insight. One conversation in particular sticks out in my head of her view of having a sibling.

Me: "Iz, do you want a little brother or sister"

Izzie: "Maybe. Would you have to go to the hospital and have needles in you?"

Me: "If momma has a baby in my tummy then yes, I would go to the hospital."
Izzie: "Then no momma I don't want a brother or sister. Can't we just go get one like in Haiti?"

(You see when the earthquake hit Haiti Izzie was extremely disturbed by the hurt children. We prayed nightly for the children there. She asked where their mommas and daddies were and we were honest with her in our answers.)

Me "So Iz, you want a brother or sister from somewhere else? You know they'll look different than you right?

Izzie: "Yes, momma I want a brown sister"

That is just a sample one of the many conversation we've had.

You see children have it right. They don't see the color, the socio-economic status, or even nationality. They see a child - just like Jesus does. My 4 year old gets it better than most adults. She sees a child that needs a momma and daddy, and she thinks her parents are pretty good so we should bring them in our home. She understands the need and gets that we can possibly fulfill that need.

When we told Izzie we had decided on Ethiopia she wanted to know so much about the country.

-Where is it?

-What do they do there?

-What do they eat?

-How long does it take to get there?

And then she wanted to know how to pray for them. We told her the best thing she could do is pray for her sister and nightly she does. She prays for what has fondly become known as Epeopa around our house (her way of saying Ethiopia).

One night while praying she said "God, protect our little baby in Epeopa and help the babies in the world that don't have a momma and daddy, come to our house." I couldn't believe it! At 4 years old she understands that there are children with no parents. She understands that we need to care for them. What took me almost 32 to grasp, she is understanding at 4!

I don't write all these things to pat ourselves on the back to say look what a good job we've done in raising Izzie but yet to show He has had this plan for our family since the beginning and has prepared not just our hearts as parents but Izzie as a big sister.

Since we have started this journey I have already seen God's hand at work, I have been more amazed by what He has done in Izzie's heart than anything. Only God could give Jonthan and I a child that would be as open and understanding as Izzie has been about having a black sister. Only God could give her the tender heart needed to accept that not all children have the fortune that she does and not to boast in those things, but hurt for the children that don't have that same fortune.

God has had His hands in this from the beginning....he began Building Castles long before we did........

Building Castles from 3 to 4.....Why through Adoption?

Since the time our family grew from two to three, Jonathan and I knew that we would want to expand our family. We love children and we love cultures from around the world so it seemed as though international adoption would be a perfect choice for us to expand our family. After years of prayer and discussion, we decided to start that journey and follow God's plan for our family. But how did we get to this point?

For me adoption has been on my heart since I was a child. My desire for my future family was not to be an all-white, middle class family but would someday be a multi-racial family - modeling "all the little children of the world". Known in the adoption world as the adoption gene, it has always been a part of who I am; a longing that I couldn't explain but was always apart of how I was made. During college, I began to even wonder if biologically I would be able to have children since my desire to adopt was strong - Obviously God had other plans and blessed our family with a beautiful daughter four years ago.



For Jonathan his desire to adopt is out of biblical obedience. The bible speaks clearly of our call as believers to care for the orphans and widows - this is not a suggestion from Christ but a mandate for believers. While dating Jonathan and I had extensive talks about family and adoption. He knew upfront my desires and as a couple we began to pray about this process separately long ago.


After having Izzie 4 years ago, we wanted to wait a bit before having more children, but knew one day we would grow our family. With the passing of my mom 2 years ago, the idea of mothering a new child without her here seemed daunting and frightening. I thought "How can I be a "new" mom all over again without my mom here to help?" The desire to go through pregnancy again was not in me at all. It was at this point, the conversation of adoption came back to Jonathan and me. We began to talk and pray through the option of adoption and God's desire for our family. After about two years of discussing and praying, we began emailing different agencies for information. We quickly found that every agency is wonderful in their own ways. They of course put the most precious children on their material making you instantly "fall in love" with them and what they can offer. We didn't want to take this process lightly - this would be the agency that would help facilitate the process, paperwork and matching of our child - the child that God has personally picked just for us. This process of deciding on an agency would be the most challenging thus far.

After a couple of months of researching, comparing, talking with other adoptive families, emailing and even attending two informational sessions, our hearts were turned to America World. We had an instant connection with the young lady that would end up being our social worker and felt a complete peace when we made publically announced we had decided on them.
This decision was made on November 7, thus beginning the paperwork pregnancy (unofficially).

We submitted our application for the Ethiopian Program to America World on November 10, 2010, not expecting to hear anything for at least 7-10 days. Two days later we received the call that we had been officially accepted into the program; this phone call was followed up by mounds and mounds of paperwork - the official paperwork pregnancy.

The next two months consisted of paperwork and homestudy meetings. The process thus far has been pretty seamless. Our homestudy was approved in January and now we are about to apply with USCIS (immigration) to get approval to bring a child in to the country.

You may ask what is the time line for all of this. While I have my hopes of holding our baby girl in our arms by the end of the year, I know that God is completely in control of this process. This is one situation that I have to hold my hands up and give complete control to Him. It is such a humbling thought that God will hand pick the little girl that will be ours. He somehow finds us faithful and worthy enough to raise that little girl....this is a process I can not rush nor do I want to rush.....I want the one He has for us and only us. The waiting is hard but in the end the little girl that has been in our hearts will be placed in our arms.

So for now, we ask for your prayers. Here are few things you can bring for us about:
-For patience during the waiting times when it is all out of our hands
-For the health and well-being of the lady that is/will carry and birth the little girl we will call ours
-Ask God how he may use you to care for the orphans of the world. While we are not all called to adopt we are called to care for them. This could include sponsorship, fostering, praying, or even supporting families financially that are adopting.

In closing thank you for following us on this journey as we Build Castles - from a family of three to a family of 4
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